Let's Call Her Dirty Pistacio

A long, over-due reaction.

Yes. I called you a whore, a harlot, a cunt who can't keep your legs closed. I called you a home wrecker, a bitch in heat, a slut pretending to be someone else. I don't care about your reasons, about your need of justifying that longing inside you, about your claim to 'lack of control' over things that were never meant to be controlled in the first place like love. How could you mistake selfishness for love??? You call making love to another woman's husband, love? Silly woman, your principles are ridiculous (which you probably take great pride in) as they fit perfectly well with your loose morale. You watched that son of a bitch abandon his pregnant wife with delight. You stood there with a smirk on your face, rejoicing on the thought that you won, without an inch of consideration for the children's well being while the wife fell into pieces. You were a happy spectator to a woman's agony that stretched from where you were standing all the way to where her two other cherubs were patiently waiting. You uncaring little fuc*er, I pray that some madwoman will escape from a mental hospital, choose you as her victim and strangle you.

While Conducting A Class On Wordiness

They say that if you slipped and scraped your knee over a silly banana, you're supposed to:

1. wallow in self-pity for 20 seconds (anything more than that is already pathetic)
2. brush the experience off and stand up
3. walk away with a smile and redeem yourself

Okay. So I did not strictly comply with Step 1 as I wallowed on self-pity far longer than expected. Step 2: check! Step 3, I am half way there and am anxious to start repairing my bruised ego.

Boljoon, Philippines

Luv Txt ni Jesus Manuel Santiago

Gusto kong magkunwari na sa isang punto sinulat toh ng boypren kong wala na yatang ginawa kundi maglaro ng Warcraft, mag-exercise at mag-swimming!!! Kunwari daw sinulat niya toh nung nasa Dubai pa ako at nadiskubre ko ang papel na pinagsulatan niya sa nilamutak na pitakang itinabi ni Ate Pelay doon sa mesa na ginawang tambakan ng mga luma't nakalimutang 'anik-anik' ng mga alaga niya. Kunwari daw sa sobrang sabik eh di na nakatiis si Rez na magsulat ng nakakalaglag panty na tula.

Kunwari lang. Kunwari lang kasi ang letse kong boypren eh di kailanman nag-isip na gumawa ng mga ganitong klaseng kadramahan sa buhay. Hahay.

Lipuna'y malupit pagkat pinaglayo
Ang nag- iibigan nating mga puso.
Tipid sa pasahe'y, tipid sa pagsuyo,
Sa hirap ng buhay, bihirang magtagpo.

Lagi tayong sabik sa isa't isa.
Mabuti na lamang at may cellphone, sinta,
Ilang pindot lamang sa hanay ng letra,
Sa halagang piso'y nakokontak kita.

Salamat sa cellphone, salamat sa texting,
Kahit magkalayo tayo'y magkapiling.
Ay, kung alam mo lang, para akong lasing
Pagkat ang ring tone ko ay ang theme song natin.

At dito sa screen, sa munting bintana,
Ang nakalarawa'y ikaw, aking mutya!
Laging nakadungaw ang maamong mukha,
Ay, ang ngiti mo, giliw, kadluan ng tuwa.

Kaya maya't maya'y aking tinitiyak
Na may signal ako at 'di maglolobat
Pagkat kung sakaling hindi ako makontak,
Pabayang sarili'y 'di mapapatawad!

Cellphone ko'y second- hand at lumang modelo,
Kantyaw ni Jess Abrera ay "panggadgad ng yelo,"
Pero hindi bale, sa pag-ibig ko sa iyo
Ay laging sariwa, at laging brand new.

Kaya kahit anong tukso ang marinig,
Taas ang nook ko at tuwid ang tindig.
Ang mas mahalaga'y ang ating pag-ibig
At kahit sandali'y tayo'y magkaniig.

Ay! Tiniis ko ang hindi tumawag
Para ang aking load, 'di maubos agad.
Patext-text lang ako, e kasi nga, swithart,
Masakit sa bulsa ang presyo ng cell card.

At ang mas masakit, may gustong humadlang
Sa ating long distance na pagmamahalan!
Aba, ang text message, gusto raw buwisan
Nitong ating bwisit na pamahalaan!

Aba'y walang puso! Kung meron man marmol!
Sa nagpanukalang mga asong ulol,
Pangako mahal ko, tiyak na bubukol
Panggadgad ng yelong aking ipupukol!

Nagtitipid ako pagkat nagmamahal
Kaya manalig ka't maniwala, Mahal.
Dahil ang maiipon kahit butal- butal,
Malaking tulong din sa araw ng kasal.

(O ano?!!Wala akong pakialam kung binabasa mo toh' ngayon at lalong-lalo na wala akong pakialam kung nababasa toh' ng mga kaibigan ko!Blog ko toh' kaya wag kang umasa na tatanggalin ko tong entry na toh'.)

Gladys

You are unstoppable. At 29, you feel like 16 again when dreams are as fresh and reachable as they were. It is one accomplishment at a time. And you jot it in the air as a reminder so you can always smell the scent of success hovering above you. You are making it happen. You are beautiful.

Suzette

You are reaping the fruits of your hardwork now. You deserve it. Every sweat, every lost hour of sleep have finally paid off. You reached the peak with sheer determination. Whoever said you cannot win? Doesn't matter. You are where you're supposed to be. You are beautiful.

Karina

Finally cupid gunned down the right man. You are a woman again, ripe for the picking and ready to give more after years of feeling barren. You retrace the past without an inch of frustration because the sweet scent of love fills your lungs. You are the rock-star princess you had hoped to be. In love. You are beautiful.

Patricia

Suddenly it's all one, big adventure. Things you have been putting off for later need to done now! You are determined to have fun and exhaust life to its limit. Nothing, no one can stop you. No other way but forward. Undaunted. You are beautiful.

Julie

You wonder what the big fuss was all about. All those were just tiny specks on a much bigger, more important picture. You laugh anyway because you appease them still. That is just who you are and you sleep like a baby at night because of your kind heart. You are loved. You are beautiful.

Jenny

Life is like a cup of hot, mint tea. Peaceful, soothing. You think to yourself whilst raising one brow at those silly girls --- been there, done that. You can smile at yourself now. Accomplished. Contented. You don't need anything else. You are beautiful.

Ceara

Suddenly everything is clear. Every decision you ever made was the right one. It's been one long series of genius moves by you. How wise you are. How visionary! This complex universe suddenly makes sense. Remember how you felt when you were ten? You are that clear again. You are beautiful.

RJ

Everything that's bothering you just...slipped your mind. Whoops! Forgot to care! The critical you has left the building. Bygones are officially bygones. You feel accomplished and strong and nearly able to fly. Life is swell. You feel like calling your parents, just to say hi. Your life is a happy sitcom. You are beautiful.

Rhodora

You have been given the visa to see the world. You are ecstatic! It takes one call and you'll be on the next plane ride to New York, Antigua or Paris, we daresay. You are Amelia minus the tragic disappearance. World-class traveler you can make anything happen with just a snap of a finger. Blessed. You are beautiful.

Cynthia

You are not tepid. You are steadfast --- a knight in featherweight, form-fitting armor. Compromises will never again be made by you. Never again! Distractions and substitutes lose their cheap shine. Your inner resources are an embarrassment of riches. Lucky girl! Lion heart! You are beautiful.

April

Who unbridled your enthusiasm? Everything is great! Good will surges through you. You just lifted the timetable needle off the problem record and put on something different. Something danceable!!!It's hard to keep yourself from leaping in the air. Like some character in an old movie. Yeah, that kind of happy. You are beautiful.

Richelle

Seriously. You could jump over that car. You're jet-propelled. You have a firecracker heart. You are a champion. You don't need anything. Food? Sleep? Never! Coursing through you is a raging river after a thaw. We have a winner! You're electromagnetic. You are beautiful.

Daniel

So this is how superheroes feel. Bam! Everything feels jump-overable. Cartoon gleams shine off you. You feel like you're carried on the shoulders of an adoring crowd. Children follow, wearing t-shirts with iron-on pictures of you emblazoned on them. You have that sporty nickname you've always wanted. You're mighty, mighty. You are beautiful.

Open Letter

As it is...

QEs,

'goodbyes', in general, is not my cup of tea...in fact, i have made it a habit not to get too involved with the act of doing so...besides goodbyes as what we commonly know do not mean forever...it is simply a phase...i prefer to keep things as they are and just disappear when the opportune time comes...like a child leaving crumbs of the cookies i have stolen (the culprit nowhere to be found)...in fact, i would like you to think of me this way as i also like to think that i have left some of my 'ehem' creative (chaotic) mess on the trail...i don't want to go through the process of crying buckets of tears, getting red-eyed whilst lips quivered for the sheer reason of prolonging a temporary agony...i go to great lengths to avoid these types of scenarios...this is not because more air has gone up my bloated head but because (AGAIN) not my thing...also, i am quite sure, our paths will cross now and then (since we will still be working with the same company and on the same building if i might add)...if you are still not convinced, just ask my other friends who i still keep in touch with---their answers will correspond with what i am claiming in this email...

not making a big deal out of it also does not mean that i do not care nor will i not miss you...of course, i will miss you...i have mentioned probably a hundred times in the past that the only reason i am keeping my job (TME) is because of the people i work with...okay, i admit, the pay came in quite handy too but my point is, the more important reason is YOU guys---you made every day at work tolerable and if i may be allowed to borrow Insik's words "you gave me the courage to go on when i could not anymore" (tama ba ni? murag OA ra man kaayo)...i'll phrase my own statement instead...let me put it this way, when i was dragging my feet, you dragged yours beside me which was a comfort knowing that i am not alone and that i have coworkers/friends who helped carry the load with me...this is not about the 'misery loves company' bullshit...this is about surrounding yourself with friends who genuinely care (you do care, right? i like to think AGAIN that you care...if there is someone in the team who doesn't, then shut up or else i will slash your throat bitch!)...oooopppsss, there i go again, i am supposed to control my other self...i will miss talking in Bisaya...as you may have observed, this email is 98% English...i will miss the green, perverted jokes about penises, vaginae, sex, sex, sex, etc...i will miss having the convenience of coming in and out of the office at any preferred time of the day....i will miss ganging up on an unsuspecting target of our tongue-lashing and gossip...i will miss calling the freakin' IT department to report a tool problem...i will miss making your ears bleed with my 'jeepney' chronicles...i will miss complaining (with pride because this means we still have a purpose after all) about being forced to do 14 evaluations alongside other tasks appointed by our beloved bosses...i will miss fighting for our rights to justice and fairness in labor (minus the nagging, eyebrow raising, bullying)...i will miss lunches (be it early or late) together...i will miss disputes from TLs who do not read the comments or who do not bother reading the updates...i will miss the laughter, the endless laughter which was eternally branded as boisterous noise as prompted by a complaint from HR...i think i have mentioned one too many reasons why i will miss you guys...my point is, i will miss everything/everyone in the QE room...

sure, life in the QE room is not always sugar, spice and everything nice, to point out, it can get suffocating or irritating too...but the important notion to remember is, that although we may hate each other (at one point), we love each other just as much...what is friendship if it's all about love, niceties and sweets...all these are good, but they can also be boring too... a little tint of loathing now and then can add flavor to friendship...like sex---who ever said that a whip during love making is not as exciting as riding the horse or not as exciting as Dyna's helicopter technique???a little curve on a straight line, a black on your white, a lopsided grin on a perfect face, a hole on your nifty socks---every friendship cannot be perfect, something has to go wrong somewhere in order to make it right...

anyway, after everything that was said and done, thank you...thank you for the awesome 2 years together...see you when i see you.

Of Surprises

Today is as what John Lennon wrote in a song for his son --- "...life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans..."