I Hate To Break It To You

Frog Prince Anyone?

I decided to re-post this!!! Old treasure...wonderful find indeed...


Once upon a time,
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in a land far away
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a beautiful, independent,
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self-assured princess
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happened upon a frog as she sat,
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contemplating ecological issues
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on the shores of an unpolluted pond
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in a verdant meadow near her castle.
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The frog hopped into the princess' lap
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and said: Elegant Lady,
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I was once a handsome prince,
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until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
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One kiss from you, however,
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and I will turn back
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into the dapper, young prince that I am
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and then, my sweet, we can marry
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and setup housekeeping in your castle
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with my mother,
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where you can prepare my meals,
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clean my clothes, bear my children,
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and forever
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feel grateful and happy doing so.
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That night,
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as the princess dined sumptuously
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on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs
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seasoned in a white wine
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and onion cream sauce,
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she chuckled and thought to herself:
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I don't fucking think so

Bonsai Again

Yesterday I heard the pastor call out, heard him encourage people to stand and come closer to the cross with their heads down. And my forehead burrowed into a frown because I couldn't move my legs. I stayed where I was, looking at the floor. Ashamed but still proud because I couldn't let go of my anger. I wanted to scream why. I wanted the thoughts to stop. I wanted to shove the hatred away. But I also knew, I wanted to keep them. I wanted to plant them in my heart and nurture them while those wheels kept turning.

It wasn't just about him anymore. It was about all those years, years where the joys could not compensate the blows I had to withstand. People do not understand because they do not know what I went through. What do they know? I do not need to explain to them why I am doing what I am doing. Even if I explain my reasons, they will not believe me anyway... so why bother?

But You, You know everything. You know what I went through and although You made sure that I had something to fall back on, You still allowed it to happen. Just as You allowed that Bobby to trace ungodly marks on my 12 year old body, just as you let me work while my friends lived a sheltered life, just as You paved the way for me to feel my relatives' wrath for my mother, just as You allowed my mother to gamble her way to whichever end you prepared for her while her children suffered, just as You watched me break despite my attempts to do everything plausible to make everything right, just as You marveled on a child's capacity to survive watching her father's heart break so many times and transfer his frustration on her mother's face.

I never understood the great plan. I never understood who got to live this kind of life or that kind of life. This is not about losing a lover. This is about losing your dreams, losing your love for life, losing people you care about, losing whatever pride you have left.

I am back to who I was when I was 14 - angry, angst-driven, disappointed. I am too old to be 14 now but I am too hateful to care. Maybe they are right, maybe I am a hypocrite, maybe the person they knew in the past few years was someone who I have been trying to be but just couldn't be, maybe I should stop going to church, maybe I should just stop whatever I am doing and just go where ever my feet will take me, maybe the great plan was to ruin people's lives.

Before All Else

My friend, Ate Lan, found this while cleaning her email account. The truth is, I have totally forgotten about this poem and it was such a wonderful surprise to come across old works which were discarded. If I can remember correctly, I think I wrote this when I was in Bahrain and was maintaining a different blog (a blog which I may have deleted or may have just forgotten what the log-in details were...tsk tsk tsk, how typical). Anyway, enjoy the poem. Cheers to 2005!


shoot that moon before it gets away
grab those stars
before the sun makes them sway
grab his hand
before it's too late
run hard towards Neverland
before it closes its gate

swim the ocean, sweet girl
who cares if you paddle like a puppy
swim the ocean
but always come back home

dance like Martha or Agnes
before your bones turn brittle
paint a new kind of Mona Lisa
before every face is branded little
tell your mama you love her so
before fate strips you of chances
give your papa a warm, big hug
before cold mists advances

swim the ocean, sweet girl
who cares if you can't float without tiring
swim the ocean
but always come back home

cheer for that sister who longs to win
before she flushes herself in the toilet
hold your brother's hand when it gets rough
before he ends his life with a bullet
play pretend with your lil nephew
before he gets too old
grieve for old friends lost
before hate gets too bold

swim the ocean, sweet girl
who cares if your glides are so unlike a swan
swim the ocean
but always come back home

laugh with your greatest pals
before laughter turns into a cliche
wonder childishly about all things
before age sweeps out your naivete
blow each candle on your birthday cake
before time blows one candle out
love dearly, madly as if tomorrow is the end
before cupid retreats and turns about

swim the ocean, sweet girl
who cares if you'll swim alone
swim the ocean but always come back home

Vientiane, Laos

As Borrowed: A Spark Neglected Burns The House

And I forgive you just as He has forgiven me...and I will let go of everything ill buried in my heart because there are bigger things to worry about, much bigger than you, me or you and me combined...


'Then came Peter, and said to him, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? until seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would make a reckoning with his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not wherewith to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And the lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow-servants, which owed him a hundred pence: and he laid hold on him, and took him by the throat saying, Pay what thou owest. So his fellow-servant fell down and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay that which was due. So when his fellow-servants saw what was done, they were exceeding sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him unto him, and saith to him, Thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou besoughtest me: shouldest not thou also have had mercy on thy fellow-servant, even as I had mercy on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due. So shall also my heavenly Father do unto you, if ye forgive not every one his brother from your hearts.' -- Matt. xviii. 21-35.

The Morning After

When boredom gets you...