Open Letter

As it is...

QEs,

'goodbyes', in general, is not my cup of tea...in fact, i have made it a habit not to get too involved with the act of doing so...besides goodbyes as what we commonly know do not mean forever...it is simply a phase...i prefer to keep things as they are and just disappear when the opportune time comes...like a child leaving crumbs of the cookies i have stolen (the culprit nowhere to be found)...in fact, i would like you to think of me this way as i also like to think that i have left some of my 'ehem' creative (chaotic) mess on the trail...i don't want to go through the process of crying buckets of tears, getting red-eyed whilst lips quivered for the sheer reason of prolonging a temporary agony...i go to great lengths to avoid these types of scenarios...this is not because more air has gone up my bloated head but because (AGAIN) not my thing...also, i am quite sure, our paths will cross now and then (since we will still be working with the same company and on the same building if i might add)...if you are still not convinced, just ask my other friends who i still keep in touch with---their answers will correspond with what i am claiming in this email...

not making a big deal out of it also does not mean that i do not care nor will i not miss you...of course, i will miss you...i have mentioned probably a hundred times in the past that the only reason i am keeping my job (TME) is because of the people i work with...okay, i admit, the pay came in quite handy too but my point is, the more important reason is YOU guys---you made every day at work tolerable and if i may be allowed to borrow Insik's words "you gave me the courage to go on when i could not anymore" (tama ba ni? murag OA ra man kaayo)...i'll phrase my own statement instead...let me put it this way, when i was dragging my feet, you dragged yours beside me which was a comfort knowing that i am not alone and that i have coworkers/friends who helped carry the load with me...this is not about the 'misery loves company' bullshit...this is about surrounding yourself with friends who genuinely care (you do care, right? i like to think AGAIN that you care...if there is someone in the team who doesn't, then shut up or else i will slash your throat bitch!)...oooopppsss, there i go again, i am supposed to control my other self...i will miss talking in Bisaya...as you may have observed, this email is 98% English...i will miss the green, perverted jokes about penises, vaginae, sex, sex, sex, etc...i will miss having the convenience of coming in and out of the office at any preferred time of the day....i will miss ganging up on an unsuspecting target of our tongue-lashing and gossip...i will miss calling the freakin' IT department to report a tool problem...i will miss making your ears bleed with my 'jeepney' chronicles...i will miss complaining (with pride because this means we still have a purpose after all) about being forced to do 14 evaluations alongside other tasks appointed by our beloved bosses...i will miss fighting for our rights to justice and fairness in labor (minus the nagging, eyebrow raising, bullying)...i will miss lunches (be it early or late) together...i will miss disputes from TLs who do not read the comments or who do not bother reading the updates...i will miss the laughter, the endless laughter which was eternally branded as boisterous noise as prompted by a complaint from HR...i think i have mentioned one too many reasons why i will miss you guys...my point is, i will miss everything/everyone in the QE room...

sure, life in the QE room is not always sugar, spice and everything nice, to point out, it can get suffocating or irritating too...but the important notion to remember is, that although we may hate each other (at one point), we love each other just as much...what is friendship if it's all about love, niceties and sweets...all these are good, but they can also be boring too... a little tint of loathing now and then can add flavor to friendship...like sex---who ever said that a whip during love making is not as exciting as riding the horse or not as exciting as Dyna's helicopter technique???a little curve on a straight line, a black on your white, a lopsided grin on a perfect face, a hole on your nifty socks---every friendship cannot be perfect, something has to go wrong somewhere in order to make it right...

anyway, after everything that was said and done, thank you...thank you for the awesome 2 years together...see you when i see you.

A Letter To A Friend

Dearest Ate Lan,

I am sorry. I know that this letter is 2 years late but I will write it anyway. The mere fact that I am writing this in my blog only proves how much a coward I am and I will not deny it. I am afraid that if I send this letter directly to you, you will just delete it automatically in your inbox after knowing that it came from me which explains why it is here now.

I am sorry for bailing out on you when you needed me the most. I am not sure if I was really (that) needed at that time, but I knew that you needed me to some extent to stand by your side for assistance. I failed you that afternoon when I walked away from the school to stop teaching your class just for the silly reason of believing that I cannot manage the students on my own. I am sorry that before you left for Japan, I never attempted to contact you and I did not try harder to patch things up between us. I am sorry that I never made the first move. And I am sorry that I waited this long to write this letter. I hope that I will not wait 2 years more before I actually send this letter to you.

Robin has been urging me to be the bigger person by swallowing my pride and taking the first step. Sadly, I failed in that too. For months, I have been concocting all types of ways on how I should write my letter but I never got to actually write them down. And when I received your invitation in Facebook today, it gave me a little courage to finally put these thoughts down in print. You see, Robin thought that I will come out as the bigger person but I was not (really). I never was, when it was between you and me. You were always the bigger person and you always took a step back so I can shine. You always accommodated my tantrums and mood and never ending shifts. You never judged my decisions and stood by my side, whether I was wrong or right, to reprimand me later when no one else was looking. You encouraged me to share my talents and believed in my capabilities.

I am truly sorry.

On the lighter side, how are you? Haha. What a way to end a letter. I miss you, Ate Lan.

Your Friend and Little Sister Always,
Den